These types of men wreak havoc on our brains, our bodies and our lives yet for some reason we keep falling for them.
It’s not just emotional it’s psychological and biochemical.
For some reason, our brains are wired to want what isn’t good for us.
These men are narcissists, sociopaths and we become dependent on them, hooked just like a drug addict becomes addicted to their drug of choice.
Just as a drug addict we have highs and lows.
Have you ever wondered to yourself ‘why do I keep falling for these types of men?’
When we first meet them it’s like an explosion of emotions, we see them and we want them, even if our gut is screaming out NO!
There is this powerful bond, and it turns our world upside down and we just don’t know whether we are coming or going, yet we remain.
They reject us and we allow it to happen, they pile on massive amounts of affection and we thrive on it, them boom they reject us again, life becomes a seemingly never-ending cycle of attention and rejection and our brain accepts it.
We feel physical pain as well as mental, we know deep down they are bad for us, yet we just don’t give up.
The reason could be down to chemicals in our brain and our raging hormones which are so powerful our brain doesn’t stand a chance of making us see reason.
Dopamine is the neurotransmitter that controls the pleasure area of our brain and links us to our partners and at times survival.
When we experience over the top attention, amazing sex, grand gestures of romance, gifts and unforgettable dates these all trigger the Dopamine in our brains.
The problem is when we are enjoying this constant flow of pleasure and then it is suddenly pulled by the narcissists and they start will the withdrawing of attention our Dopamine levels drop and just as a low with an addict our bodies experience lows and we crave the pleasure; high.
We are left pining for the good times and struggle to cope with the bad times.
These men are masters of all types of manipulation and enjoy seeing you suffer when they withdraw any type of affection.
Our bodies crave their attention, and when you suddenly find out you are one of many, a side chick that is when your brain literally lies to you and reminds you of good times and that it’s you that needs to change it is you that is the problem.
Our brains almost become a masochists and trigger us to seek out the very people that hurt us.
When we get ignored by these types of men or they go ghost for a while, then return with the intention to hoover us, the Dopamine effect releases stronger doses and we love the responses it gives us. It’s a fix of a higher dose than ever before and our brain fools us into thinking this is love.
The only way to stop this is to go cold turkey from the man who is playing on your emotions, resisting him and entering into a healthy relationship where there is a constant slow release of Dopamine and no pain, no emotional abuse, yes being with a genuinely nice guy doesn’t give you the rushing highs but at least you know what you have with him is real.
Oxytocin is more commonly known as the love hormone, this is the same hormone that bonds a mother to their child when they are born, it also bonds you to men who are not worthy of your love.
Oxytocin not only promotes bonding it promotes trust, and even if betrayed the hormone lies to you and you continue to trust the person who has betrayed you as that is all you want to do, trust them.
Deception makes you blind to the reality and the effect is stronger in women than men, according to Susan Kuchinskas, author of the book, The Chemistry of Connection: How the Oxytocin Response Can Help You Find Trust, Intimacy and Love, oestrogen tends to promote the effects of oxytocin bonding whereas testosterone dampens it.
These men tend to be more exciting in bed, and they reinforce their sexual prowess by blowing hot and cold with you and once we have bonded with them the emotional and psychological bond is hard to break.
Cortisol, adrenaline and norepinephrine
These three along with Oxytocin regulate our flight or fight response, but for some reason, they fail to work when we are in a toxic relationship. We freeze up, we get stressed out and instead of fleeing, we accept what has happened and hope that it will improve.
The good news is that it causes our brain to become hyper-aware of what they are doing as our stress levels increase being with them, the bad news is we often seek out the cause to give us comfort, the brain really is a liar to us.
According to Christopher Bergland, oxytocin, adrenaline and cortisol work together to consolidate and reconsolidate fear-based memories. So, your fears and anxiety about abandonment by this partner, combined with your physical intimacy with that partner make memories related to this partner more vivid and more difficult to extricate yourself from.
It also plays a large part as to why so many survivors of these relationships are diagnosed with PTSD.
Without realizing it you have trauma bonded with the cause of your trauma, you live a life of walking on eggshells, and because of this your body then releases adrenaline which is the bodies natural antidepressant.
When we fall in love, we can literally become obsessive people where we never experienced obsessive behavior before. We become OCD of love.
The serotonin levels in our brains drop when in love, much the same as the drop-in levels of someone who has OCD.
Serotonin is our mood stabilizer, it curbs any obsessive thoughts or behavior so when it drops our ability to make sound decisions literally fly out the window and our judgment is at an all-time low.
Mix all these chemicals together with their own highs and lows and this goes a long way to explain why we not only attract these types of men, we actually crave them.
Falling in love with a dangerous partner is very much like becoming a serious addict. In order to survive the withdrawal effects, we have to go cold turkey, or at the very least, begin to wean ourselves off from the high dosage of toxicity.