I met up with a friend who I hadn’t seen in some time recently and we got onto the topic of how some men perceive women and of course, a lot was discussed in regards to the #metoo topic that has exposed behavior that what was once deemed normal to now being highlighted as far from being normal.
This is what he had to say.
I have always thought highly of myself as far as this topic goes. Whether it’s stalking women online or in person, the uncomfortable staring, unnecessary caressing, or those disgusting suggestions; I simply don’t engage in any of this behavior nor do I encourage it.
A recent encounter with a female acquaintance overhearing men talking about her in a very unpleasant way alarmed me. I realized that harassment has a deeper meaning to it than the act itself.
It’s the subtle ways that men behave, that can actually make women around us extremely uncomfortable and offended. When we engage in such behaviors, we not only demoralize ours and other’s opinions of women but by labeling women as inanimate objects for pleasure and self-appraisal, it just goes to show how unsympathetic and insensitive we are to other people.
It’s natural to be attracted to a beautiful woman but telling your male counterparts to randomly “check this one out” will only make her insecure and uncomfortable. You are merely externalizing this woman based on her physical looks and completely looking past all the morals and values that make her a decent human. It’s just terrible and one should immediately refrain from doing so.
Just stop saying she would look better if;
She had long hair? Was taller? More petite or slender? Or more curves to flaunt?
Here’s the thing, maybe women might find you charming if you kept your opinions to yourself. Because you don’t get to decide what makes her attractive or not. Your unnecessary opinions might be the root cause of why she isn’t confident and comfortable with her personal image. Spare her from the useless body shaming, please.
Uncomfortable and unnecessary joking with your colleague or associate is not going to land you in bed, it just doesn’t work this way. Externalizing a woman’s body part and molding it into a hilarious joke is not going to amuse anyone, especially if it’s your first encounter which each other. In fact, it can pretty much get you fired or even in jail, so cut it out!
Idealizing a woman on the basis of some twisted rate scaling is perhaps the epitome of objectification. You have very conveniently disregarded her other attributes in the name of physical beauty. With this scale, you can now make quick estimates of whether she could be the potential temporary fix for you. Extreme sexism, AHOY!
The lady in your life has trusted you with some of her deepest and darkest secrets. She is not a toy for your playful self, but a human with her own dignity. So don’t go about tarnishing her morale by giving out juicy details about your encounter with her to your guy friends. It’s plain disgusting, to be honest, and shows that you don’t even have an ounce of respect for her, and you aren’t a really good partner for her either.
Now the point of all this conversation is that women are definitely undermined in a lot of areas. They work harder for less; they aren’t taken seriously by their executives and are baffled with idealistic physical standards and subjected to body shaming. We need to keep the male patriarchy and ego aside and initiate a wider shift of mindsets.
We need to appreciate the impeccable women in our lives as our counterparts and equals and not as mere objects for sexual pleasure and gratification. We need to ingrain confidence and empowerment and vanish all the fears and insecurities that have made them weak to the core. As men, I know we can do better.