When we meet someone who proves to be toxic to our well-being, we remove them or reduce the amount of contact if a work environment, but when the toxicity is from the very heart of our lives our family this can prove much harder to deal with.
Just because they are family it does not always go hand in hand that they have our best interests at heart. If you find yourself experiencing conflict that impacts you in a negative way, as hard as it is to consider, you may need to cut that family member or even members from your life.
Taking this bold and necessary step can lead to more problems due to the fallout and how other members of your family react, but they should try and understand that you have been left with no choice.
Here are a few examples of toxic behavior.
You’re always dealing with conflict within your family.
If you find yourself in constant fights with a member of your family, they are most likely toxic for you and they enjoy the reaction they get from you. They always seem to have a put down ready to be aimed at you and they really don’t care how this impacts you.
You’re not getting the emotional care you crave.
If you feel scared to even talk to a certain family member or afraid to express your feelings as you know this could be used against you at a later date, this is a far from healthy environment to live in. Everyone should be able to speak freely with recriminations.
Proper communication is severely lacking or nonexistent.
Toxic people are really bad at communication, they get set in their views and it is only their view that counts, they are incapable of just talking calmly about any subject, they get loud and aggressive as they believe this is the only way to be heard.
Someone in your family works to control all you do.
Toxic people have to be in control, and to this end, they try and control you. They won’t stop chipping away at you until you give in. We often give in to these types of people to keep a quiet life.
You’re constantly being talked down to and pulled apart.
If you have a family member who talks down to you and considers you beneath them, who enjoys making you feel worthless then this person is toxic and to be honest they are most likely jealous of you as they see you achieving your goals when they just go through life in a toxic cloud of self-righteous behavior.
You have had to do more for your parents than you should at your age throughout your time growing up.
Toxic parents are a beast all of their own. As a parent, they have authority when you were a child to make you do things even if they were wrong. As we grow into adults and see them for who they really are their power fades so they use emotional blackmail to make you do what they want.
Someone in the family is physically violent with you.
Physical violence is always about power and control, it leaves you in fear of what will happen next. If you can report what has happened to the police, but if you feel this would make the situations worse speak to a trusted friend to help you through this time and to feel safe.
There is no room for compromise.
If they will not compromise at all, then nothing you try will work, and to be honest, it isn’t worth trying to.
You are expected to give all that is asked of you even if it puts you behind.
If they want something from you, they expect you to put your life on hold, as their needs are the only ones of any importance. They don’t care about your needs only that you give them what they want.
Growing up you were often punished without reason.
It is often found with toxic parents that they treat each child differently, they have favorites and make sure the other child/children know. They enjoy playing their children off each other which in turn damages the sibling relationship, sometimes to a point of no return.
Nothing you do is ever enough and you’re always being judged.
Toxic family members are extremely judgmental, they act as judge, jury, and executioner. They will force other family members to view you in this light too which damages relationships within the family circle further.
You’re treated like a toddler even as an adult.
Even when you reach adulthood your toxic parent/s treat you still as a child, they continue to behave as if they are in charge of you, they are unable to accept you are now an adult who can make their own decisions.
Your boundaries do not matter to these people.
Toxic people have no respect for boundaries, if you then place that behavior in the family environment it makes for a very messy life that consists of the cycle of confusion, pain, feeling worthless, and being alone.
Cutting ties, that in turn breaks the toxic cycle is what must be done, before your mental health shatters and you wonder if you can ever escape.