At some point in our life, we all have someone who has hurt us so badly it changes us. They broke us in a way we never imagined they would and the damage done has no point of return, but only a way forward to a new ‘us’ and a damaged soul which takes a long time to recover from.
The only consolation is that because of this we do end up stronger in ourselves, but it causes us to lose our ability to trust so easily and wondering if we can ever trust in a relationship again.
The experience does give us lessons to learn from, and whilst at the time we may not understand why this has happened it will shape the future ‘us’ and will help us grow.
We learn that our boundaries are not up for compromise.
When the hurt reaches a point of no return, we become acutely aware that our boundaries are of utmost importance. We set firm boundaries like a protective shield of armor, and where we were once perhaps happy and settled in the shadows we now move into the light and make it clear this girl is not for being abused anymore.
We learn what true betrayal feels like.
Experiencing betrayal runs deep to the core of who we are. We see the monsters in the world with clear eyes and mind for the first time. No longer are the monsters those things that hide under our bed as we once believed as children, they walk among us in many disguises and call it love.
We come to terms with the fact that sometimes ties must be cut for our own good.
The hurt we feel shows us clearly to break ties with the person causing it, no second chances, no changing ourselves to appease them, what evolves from the pain is a strong independent woman who should be respected for her growth.
We realize that love takes a lot of work on both ends.
It takes two to make a relationship when one person is doing all the taking it will never work. You can’t force someone to be as committed as you are. The pain of realizing you were never going to be enough is hard to accept.
We realize what we want and do not want in life and in love.
The more you begin to see clearly what you have experienced the more this new person emerges with a strength of ‘I will not tolerate this’ anymore. You will find yourself setting more boundaries and if people don’t like it tough this is all about you, not them!
We understand that our own well-being is more important than a shallow connection.
Your own well-being will always be more important as it is how you survive this life. Don’t worry about what other people think of you, someone will always have an opinion about you regardless of what you do.
Over time you will find yourself separating from people who perhaps have been a big part of your life for some time. What you will notice is that they become unimportant to you as perhaps for the first time you see them clearly.
At the end of the day, we are all we truly have, so do look after yourself.