Love bombing is as old as the concept of love itself. Love bombing is the darker side of loving someone, it is when one person manipulates another and calls it love.
What do love bombers do?
Love bombers pursue you until they have you. They are relentless at what they do to pull you to them, they will chase you, make surprise plans that involve you and make grand gestures that you find almost impossible to resist.
Once they have you the deed is done and they will play around with you for a while then suddenly you will cease to exist as they now have you there is no thrill to the chase, but what they have done is manipulate and control you.
What is love bombing?
Just as the words say, they literally bomb you with love and affection until you find yourself almost addicted to them, as they tell you exactly what you want to hear. They build up this imaginary world where they love you so much you feel the luckiest person alive.
As with any addiction when the love is withdrawn you find yourself experiencing withdrawals from the person. You miss them and feel broken that they have left you, the kicker is that they haven’t really left you as they will keep coming back as they know you need them and that is how they control you.
The main goal of love bombing
The main goal of the love bomber is to overwhelm their victim with so many displays of love and affection that when they ultimately show who they really are the victim is already in too deep and just hopes that the person they fell in love with will return and that all they are experiencing is a rocky patch in the relationship.
They work to a pattern, below are some examples of what they do:
1. They will form a strong bond right from the start
They will spend the first date telling you everything about themselves and how excited they are to be spending time with you. That sounds normal to a point, doesn’t it? Except they will also be saying things like they feel an unbreakable bond between you both, that they feel like they have known you their entire lives, some have even claimed that you are both past loves who are coming together in this time.
It’s alarming, to say the least, and what is worse is because they are saying in essence what most of us want to hear, the logic goes out the window and we are pulled into their bubble of lies. You feel safe with them so you open up in return, this plays right into their hands as they want to know all about you not because they are interested, but because they are looking for details, they can hold against you.
2. They drop the L-bomb way too soon
The reality is there is no right or wrong time to say I love you if you feel it, but saying it right away is a huge red flag. I had the awful experience of going to dinner with someone who I had actually known for a while at their home, he placed the dinner plate in front of me with the words I love you spelt out in food, trust me I lost my appetite and couldn’t get out of there quick enough.
Love develops over time, you may feel emotions at the beginning but that’s not love especially when you have only known each other for a short time, what you are feeling is an attraction and perhaps a little infatuation but never love.
3. They tell you exactly what you want to hear
Love bombing is an art and like all art, it improves with practice, it is a special skill that evolves over time, they know just the right thing to say at the right time and they have no conscience whatsoever of the damage their lies will do to you.
They have every possible scenario worked out in their head and are ready for any eventuality and that is why they appear so controlled and in turn, are controlling you.
4. They want you to meet their parents right away
You hardly know each other and already they are talking about meeting up with parents, going to family events, hell even talking about marriage and kids and you’re still at the stage of uncertainty if this relationship is right for you.
This is not normal, meeting friends early on does happen but being dragged into the world of future-in-laws before you’ve even hit double figures on dates not normal at all.
5. They seem too good to be true
If your gut tells you what is happening is too good to be true, that is because it is too good to be true period! We all have that inner voice that tells us when something isn’t right, some of us listen and some don’t, in fact, most don’t as we are already hooked in by all the love bombing.
If you feel your life has suddenly become a best-selling romance novel or a blockbuster movie take a step back, talk your feelings over with someone you trust, you’ll probably find they are already suspicious of the person anyway.
6. They make you feel super special
You find yourself being bombed with compliments every single day sometimes even by text when you are apart, this is not normal, it’s all false but it is a tactic they use to make you feel special but also in a very pointed way of saying ‘see I’m thinking about you’.
Being complementary to someone is normal but not all the time day in day out. This behavior is another huge red flag and one most definitely not to be ignored. They could be trying extra hard to convince you they are the one for you as you appear to be showing signs of uncertainty and they don’t want to lose you after all the hard work, they have put into drawing you in.
Watch how people are around them, if they appear to be cautious, take little heed to the compliments paid that is because they have worked them out. Do all you can to end your relationship with them as the tables will be turning soon and that is a descent into hell you will not want to live.