This man was quite the charming fellow. The moment we met, we hit it off instantly. He was smart, attractive, and we shared a great chemistry with each other. A few months into dating, I realized that he was a complete NARCISSIST. I could see the END right in front of my eyes. Here are some of the lessons I learned while dating a narcissist:
He always under-valued me:
He would find the most strangest of ways and the smallest of issues to put me down frequently about. Whether it was my lack of opinions or point of views related to something, or whether I should consider gaining a few pounds. It was all part of this grand scheme he had in his mind to undermine others and think highly of himself.
Over complimenting someone is a huge red flag:
While I do want to make things clear here that the occasional charm and enticement in a relationship is absolutely normal, but if a partner uses it to exploit you against your will, well that’s where the narcissist kicks in. In the beginning of our brief relationship, my partner would shower me with praises and I would succumb to his magnetism. Over time, he would praise me only when he wanted his work done, or wanted me to pay his overdue bills.
The relationship was centered all around him:
This was honestly the most common behavior he exhibited of a typical narcissistic dude. We would have hours and hours long of conversations ranging from his life events, to his ultimate ambitions and goals. He hardly ever gave me the opportunity to express my opinions and touch upon my life’s major events.
They never want to hear NO:
The typical narcissistic dude just can’t bear to hear a NO from you. These personalities are extremely controlling and they want to have their say in even the most basic decisions you make. It could be as simple as you refusing to go for lunch because you were exhausted from work and they, instead of understanding your point of view, decide to give you the old fashioned cold treatment.
They are not empathetic:
One of the basic feelings every human must possess is empathy, but sadly narcissists don’t. You could be stuck with family over a genuine issue and they will pick a fight with you about why you couldn’t make the time to have lunch with them this afternoon. PATHETIC!
Do take a good 1-minute look at his past relationships:
It’s very common for them to take all the blame that they were responsible for and label it to their exes. A narcissist will go to the point of calling their past partners psychotic, distant and arrogant. It’s their own way of feeling good about themselves. Always ask your potential partner about his past flames, if he describes all of them as insane and crazy, that’s a huge red flag.
You are good enough, trust me!:
In the course of our relationship, I would often feel put down by the weight of his idealistic expectations from me. He would leave no stones unturned to disapprove my opinions or decisions and I being the naïve person that I was, gave into it. It was only when I realized that I could never satisfy his egoistic self that I realized in that moment that I was worthy of happiness and love and that I had to leave this controlling person to achieve the happiness and fulfilment that I lacked in this relationship.