We all seem to live in an ‘I need’ world, I need a new house, I need a new car, I need a new job, I need a new body, I need a new phone, need, need, need!
When we move the ‘I need’ mindset into relationships that is where the trouble can begin.
We’ve all been in relationships where our partner says things such as ‘You are my world’ ‘You are my life’ ‘I would die without you’ it’s their way of trying to get you to believe you are those things, for some it’s what they want to hear, for others it’s constricting and even downright scary.
Love is a freedom, not suffering or suffocating.
Read out loud in the cold light of day, those phrases can indicate some kind of insane possessive nature behind them.
Love is a bond between two people, love is not ownership and certainly not to be looked at as a possession.
Now, if they say something like ‘I choose to be with you, as you make me happy’ that’s different, it indicates they know you make them happy, but they can certainly live without you, they don’t need you, but they choose to be with you.
It has been said ‘to be in love, is to suffer’ that had to have been written by a mad man in the throws of a possessive love affair, as we should never have to suffer in love.
Of course, there are times when the relationship is a challenge and even makes us miserable, it’s those times you need to reassess the situation and if need be leave, as that is a toxic environment at the very least.
Love needs to have respect, understanding, compromise, happiness and above all freedom for us to remain who we are.
When in love we do change, we grow and evolve is it all part of life’s natural course, but if we change through fear and the agenda of another, we lose all our identity and become a whole different person.
Sometimes, in a relationship we truly think we must be with each other, that is a type of self-deceiving that is far from healthy. The thought of not being with that person but another seems completely alien and at odds to what we think.
Relationships do run a natural course, some end when we wish they hadn’t, others we know it was inevitable that the end would come. Some end through the death of a loved one and we grieve their loss and wonder will we ever survive.
Nothing is forever we know that but accepting the end of a love is hard.
We have done that to ourselves by our way of thinking. To have a happy, healthy and balanced relationship is really everyone’s ideal love, and they are hard to achieve, it takes hard work.
Step back from your relationship, think about this;
Your partner is just ONE part of you!
Give yourself a talking to if need be, to get your mindset in the zone of yes, I love him, but I don’t need him.
Yes, you could go on without him.
Yes, you will survive without him.
Once you accept and know this to be true, you will have a much healthier relationship.
Of course, the person we choose to share our life is an important being, but it can’t be the only or the main thing in our life.
You should love yourself first.
And you know it’s okay to say, ‘I love you, but I just don’t need you!’