I Thought About Texting You. Then Said, ‘Oh No You Don’t’ To Myself

I’m beginning to dislike my shower.

The conversation between me and my shower have been too intense at times and since when did showers make so much sense out of life.

I came very close to texting you, yes, I did, way too close for comfort.

So, I took myself off for a shower, perhaps cold would be best to shake this stupidity roaming around in my head.

I had come very dangerously close to admitting that I missed you and wanted you back, that my world was empty without you in it.

That would have been a step backwards though, as reality is, life was empty with you in it too, for you would often not be home, you were out doing things you shouldn’t have been doing.

You took full advantage of believing that I would tolerate your toxic behavior just to keep you in my life.

As the water cascades down over me, my mind is racing with thoughts of ‘perhaps I should give you just one more chance’, then my mind hurtles to the ‘do not be so stupid brain cell section’.

I’m not going to give you another chance to come back, you don’t deserve it. My mind is trying to convince me that you may have changed, but that is just wishful thinking on my part.

I refuse to listen to either my head or my heart in this matter, both are bitches and tell lies.

I am not going to be stupid because I’m feeling some loneliness creeping in.

I know if I texted you, it would make your day.

Confirm to you that I am nothing without you, so frankly it will be a cold day in hell if I do text you.

I am allowed to miss you and dream of what we could have had.

I am allowed to wish things had worked out differently between us.

I am allowed to get drunk and have a moment of wishing you were here.

What I’m not allowed is to give in.

I’m not allowed to have you come back.

I’m not allowed to have you put me on the merry go round of a toxic life again.

I’m just simply not allowed, because my shower says so, and that bitch talks sense.