I waited for you, to love me back as passionately as I loved you. Every time I catch myself looking at my reflection in the mirror, I see it. I see the aftermath of myself after you left me. I see the dead smile on my face, sleepless but tired eyes and ruined makeup smeared on my cheeks from all the crying. It was clear that I was losing myself, yet I failed to let go of you and your memories.
I was so desperate that one day I will get the same love from you which I gave to you. I hoped for a long time that you would change, and you would start to appreciate and value me. But, as I came to the conclusion about this, I realized that it was no use putting myself through this never-ending pain, in hopes that you would love me back. I came to the conclusion that this heartache and these scars would be almost impossible to heal.
But, it’s not your fault. I am aware now that it doesn’t matter how much effort you put in; you will not be loved in the same way as you love somebody. And that’s why I stopped hoping that you would come back to me. The process was painful. I had to let go of reminiscing about you, I had to let go of the fact of how much helplessly I was in love with you for all this time and the most painful of them all is how this love and time was not enough to gravitate you towards me and I ultimately lost you for good.
Now I realize, instead of you, there is someone out there for me, who will fill the void you made, perfectly like a lost puzzle piece. He will make me feel loved and special. Someone who won’t cause me heartache. Someone who will love me unconditionally and in the same way as I have loved people. He will never make me feel out of love. He will fill me with pleasure, and he will stay by my side in the good times and worst. He will not play games with me. He will be sincere and honest about everything with me. He won’t let me come in just when he needs me and push me away when he feels like he’s done. He is going to be the one who will deserve me.
Maybe, I wasn’t your type after all, and you weren’t mine. We were just brought together so I could learn a hard lesson in life, which I did and for that, I am thankful. It’s completely alright if we weren’t meant to be together for the rest of our lives and I am so grateful for that. I let you go and now I feel so much more alive. I finally understood the magic of letting someone go who isn’t meant for you.
As I let you go, I saved myself with my own two hands and I started to give myself the love I gave you for all these years. I nurtured myself and now I know that I deserve more, and I will not settle for anything less. You left me shattered, but with the remaining strength I had, I pulled myself back together and now I feel rejuvenated. Your lies, your fake words all left as you left me, and I can’t begin to describe how light I feel. I can finally breathe again and I don’t have to beg for you to stay in my life because now I know that you were never “the one” for me.
I didn’t need you to complete me. I thought I did, but then I realized that I am a complete person within myself, I just denied the fact for so long. I promise myself not to be loved half-heartedly. I deserve more than I can ever imagine and one day I will find the one who will treat me the way I deserve to be treated.