It’s time for me to stop being the stay at home quiet woman that everyone overlooks when planning parties.
Time for this woman to stop being viewed as the shy one, the boring one who stays at home with her cat.
It’s 2020, and I am not going to allow my anxiety to ruin my life anymore!
I’m going to step out of my comfort zone and even writing that is setting my anxiety off, well fuck you anxiety I’m taking my life back!
I am going to intentionally put myself in situations that I know will be challenging to do, but I can’t live a life in the shadows anymore.
My anxiety is a bully, it bully’s me into so many what-ifs that life is passing me by.
I am going to tell my brain about all the good that could happen, instead of my brain telling me all the bad that could happen.
It is so easy to give in to my anxiety and all the doubts it places in my mind, that I end up worrying about worry, and that is no way to live.
It is going to be hard for me to do I know that!
I know I will have hard days when anxiety will win the day, but as long as I focus on the days that I achieve something over the anxiety I know for certain the winning will be on my part and no longer my anxiety.
I am exhausted from fighting my own brain, I want to go out and do things even if it’s something small like taking a walk when my brain is screaming at me not too.
I’m tired of the number of times I’ve found myself sobbing into my pillow because my anxiety won, and I didn’t attend a friend’s birthday party that I had so wanted to attend.
I’m really exhausted from beating myself up, anxiety is not only a bully, it’s a thief too, as it has cost me friends and even jobs, but worse of all it stole my self-confidence from me.
I’ve lost count how many plans I canceled at the last minute last year, I pushed people away and became the queen of canceled plans by text.
This year I’m going to be the queen of attending social events period!
I will be the woman that comes out of the shadows, walks into the light and will shock all who know me.
I am the writer of my own life, not my anxiety.
Every time I win, I will mark it down on my calendar as a pink star, and every time anxiety wins I will mark it down as a black star and I hope and pray that by the end of the year I have more pink stars than black.
I know this isn’t going to be an easy year, far from it, but if I don’t take back control, I will suddenly wake up one day and life will have passed me by.
It’s 2020 AND! I’m not allowing my anxiety to win anymore.