People with narcissistic tendencies also have destructive social tendencies that impact everyone around them. If you have these types of people around you, conflict will always follow them and will always impact, you.
Narcissists are some of the most toxic people around and they always play the victim and manipulate everyone around them.
The real world just doesn’t exist for them as reality means facing the truth and that is something they simply can’t do.
To cope with life, they delude themselves that their own reality is the real one and real life as we know it doesn’t exist.
Should the ‘real reality’ be forced upon them the wild stories they come out with to try and manipulate and compensate can be at best extreme.
First the lies:
Healthy, normal mindful people deal with life as it unfolds and face what life challenges them with and they take responsibility for their actions.
Narcissists are incapable of doing this. They will blame everyone one else for what is wrong in life, it is never their fault.
Narcissists have this deep need to be right about everything, and this is where the wild stories and lies come into play. They single out people who they know will listen and believe what they say and accept ‘their version of the truth’ and they will use their loyalty to feed their lies.
As they are the author of the story, they cast themselves as the good person, the one who fights for everyone, when the reality is they are the ones causing the wrongdoing and inflicting pain on their victims.
Then comes projection:
Narcissists always use projection, its how they manipulate situations. A great example of this is they will tell you someone has been spreading lies about them, when you hear that, know that for sure it’s the narcissists who have done this not the person they have claimed is doing so.
They will claim a loved one has been cheating on them, nope not the case. What has happened is the narcissist has cheated but is lying by saying the loved one has.
They project so that they can plant the first seeds of doubts and lies. They love playing the wronged loved one and you will often hear them say “Look what they have done to me, all I did was love them”.
When dealing with a narcissist it is wise to reverse what they tell you back onto them, that way you will be getting some semblance of truth.
Building the story is next:
The narcissist always will feed you bits of their story at their own pace and a time of their choosing. It is almost like watching a movie unfold before you and you won’t get to see the whole story until the last few minutes, they do this for dramatic effect and to gain your sympathy.
They are bullies, it’s as simple as that! They seek out victims that can be manipulated and bullied into what they want. Should a victim fight back them they step up their game plan and they are very dangerous people.
The story will then be that the victim bullied the narcissist, made their life a living hell, they will deny any aggressive behavior, they will often say the victim is being too sensitive, telling lies and are attention seeking, does any of this sound familiar?
Character assassination the end is in sight:
Should the lies and projection fail and in effect the victim at this stage has beaten the narcissist, then the narcissist will up their game plan.
The victim is no longer under the narcissist’s control and they hate that, so they will commence their smear campaign, they often use slander, triangulation and character assassination.
It is at this time that the wildest of stories are told, family and friends can receive emails, text messages from the narcissist giving intimate details about you, some have even been known to post online or send to friends and relatives intimate pictures, photoshop their victims image onto porn sites and movies, thankfully the law has tightened up with regards to this and prosecutions but its too late the damage has been done.
All narcissists act this way, it’s a case of same way, different story. Once you’ve encountered a narcissist and survived you can tell one very easily, but if you should get taken in again, don’t blame yourself they are masters of their craft.
Narcissist can and do slip through the barriers, if that happens rebuild your barriers, set new boundaries and move on with your head held high, you have done nothing wrong.
I am honored to know many survivors of these toxic people, some have recovered and like myself work on helping survivors, others are still working on their recovery.
Just know there are more of us out here than you think, look for us, we will be the ones shining the beacon of light, showing you the way to hope and recovery.