We have all had experiences of at least one fake friend in our lives, sadly it is a normal part of life. It seems to be the ever-growing norm to have people that pretend to be our friends to get what they can from us.
It is a really shitty thing to do and these people have no conscience about their actions and the impact their behavior has on other people.
Being in this kind of relationship is not that dissimilar to a relationship with a partner as we share just as many times and memories when they end, we go through the emotions of the break-up, ending a friendship has the same impact.
We tend not to expect friendships ending to hurt as much as an end to a romantic relationship, but they do, as often the feelings of betrayal are there. We are so used to the friend being in our lives that when they are no longer there it leaves a gaping hole.
To find out a friend wasn’t ever really a friend and that the friendship was built on a lie is devastating. It isn’t always easy to spot a fake friend until it is too late but here are some signs to watch out for:
1. They call you only when they need something.
They rarely if ever just check in on you and just ask how you are, you only really hear from them when they want something from you. It is not in their nature to just make contact for a catch up and a chat, but saying that some fake friends do send a message asking how you are, but it always includes something like ‘ we need to catch up I have shit to tell you’ or a how are you is swiftly followed up by a ‘can you do me a favor’.
They expect you to drop whatever you are doing or change your plans to fit in with what they need. You are to be at their beck and call and should you make a point that you are doing something they insist on what they need is more important.
2. You don’t hang out with them that often.
Everyone gets busy with real life it’s just how life is and before you know it some days, weeks, months have passed by and you haven’t spoken or spent time with a particular friend.
The fake friend will play a guilt trip on you for this and almost badger you to spend time with them and when you do its all about them, never let them guilt you into spending time with them just because you have been living real life doing things that make you happy.
3. They talk and talk and talk.
We can all talk with the best of them, but when you spend time with your fake friend and all they talk about is themselves and what is bothering them without even taking a breath you have been relegated to a listening post and you are expected to agree with everything they say.
They rarely ever ask how you are, even give you chance to share your news, and often should you get the chance to say what is bothering you, they always spin the conversation back to themselves and will say they have experienced what you have but it will always be so much worse.
You are not their damn therapist you are supposed to be a friend and yes whilst friends download on each other, it is supposed to be a two-way street.
4. You always go to the places they choose.
Friends don’t always like the same things or the same places, nothing wrong with that, but how often do you find yourself meeting up with them in a bar you can’t stand and they know you can’t stand it, but they love it so that is where you meet?
A good friend would make the effort to meet you in a place you both like so that you feel comfortable and at ease.
How often have you found yourself being a sudden late ask for an event, a party, going to see a band, and you know deep down you have been the last one they asked? If you find yourself in these situations trust me, honey, she/he is not a friend.
5. You don’t feel like yourself when you’re around them.
The ultimate red flag for a fake friendship is that when you are with them or even just talked on the phone or via text you find yourself feeling drained. You feel unwell, not like yourself and irritable.
This is because your energy has been drained from you by your fake friend. You will never feel happy around them and you almost count the minutes until your escape. You find yourself distracted by them and your surroundings, you are living on your nerves in their company and that is no good for you.
A friendship is a two-way street and if you find yourself driving in the wrong direction of the one-way street friendship it’s time to dump the parasite and find yourself some new friends.