I knew there was something off about you, but instead of listening to my gut that was screaming the warning I ignored it and as a result, I fell deeply in love with you. I pretended I guess that my instincts were wrong and you were truly the amazing person you made yourself out to be.
Common sense left the building as they say and in walked heartache and regret.
I still can’t figure out why I allowed myself to be pulled in by you, the safest thing to say you were an angel and a demon trapped in one body and you knew all the tricks to use to make me go blind with love.
You were a lessoned learned and hard ones at that. I will never again allow myself to be fooled by any man after all the lessons I learned have well and truly prepared me for how I should not allow myself to be treated.
You knew I was already vulnerable, already trying to heal from the past, that is why you targeted me, that is why you relentlessly pursued me telling me you would never treat me badly and that you wanted to show me how love should really be.
Well if that is how love should be you can shove love right up your ass.
Your angel side was incredible there is no denying that you knew exactly what to say at the right moment to make me fall harder for you. You made this amazing world for us and it was perfect, that should have told me right there that this was all fake, but I so desperately wanted that life I swallowed down any doubts.
Your demon side was a living hell.
All you really wanted from me was what would benefit you, my body for one, my money the other, and I let you take what you wanted more fool me.
You made so many promises yet never kept a single one, and if I ever spoke of those promises you always had words to wiggle your way out, lies flowed off your tongue so smoothly and they always sounded so feasible, yet looking back now I should have seen them for what they were, hindsight is a wonderful thing.
You turned my life upside down and inside out; you were this tornado sucking up what you needed and touching down when the mood took you to be destructive and abusive.
Your abuse and lies were like a full-time job for you, let’s be honest it’s the only job, as you couldn’t hold down a real-world job if your life depended on it. I lost count the number of times you were supposedly laid off when the reality is you were fired for not turning up.
Before I really knew what was happening you had moved in with me, supposedly only a temporary situation as you had no job so couldn’t pay your rent.
You used me up until I was no further use to you then you suddenly departed my life as quickly as you had entered it, but you certainly left behind a mess for me to clear up.
The constant flow of letters for unpaid loans and bills were horrendous, the worst a loan taken out in my name, the battle I had to prove I had not taken that loan out and the signature on the document wasn’t mine, that is what finally destroyed me mentally but fight it I did, there was no way I was going to allow you to ruin me that way too.
The lies you told to so many people took my breath away, it wasn’t until the court case come up that they then saw you for who you really are, you didn’t expect me to fight that hard, did you?
The threats you made if I didn’t drop the court case had the opposite effect, it made me more determined than ever to make you accountable for what you had done. If I could have made you legally accountable for the abuse too, I would have, but as yet there is little that can be done via the courts for that, mores the pity.
I’m much stronger now, and I have kept my dignity intact something at one time I thought I had lost.
I see things much clearer and I am able to see people for what they are quickly and make sure they have no impact on my life.
I beat you, yes, I did and to be honest, it was one of my proudest moments, beating an abuser who until they picked me as a target had never been made accountable for their actions.
I bet you regret meeting me; I hope you do.