It’s hard to pin down the exact moment I discovered you were as fake as it can get, I do know the sick sinking feeling I had and grief that struck deep into my soul when I realized everything about you was a lie.
When I first got to know you, I thought what an incredible person you were, facing the challenging life you had with a smile and a positive outlook. You appeared to be one of life’s fighters, never giving up and never allowing yourself to be beaten down.
We would spend hours talking about our lives, confiding in each other and lifting each other up when we fell down, because that’s what friends do, right?
I guess I should have been more cautious with you as I would often hear from you some supposed slight someone had done, or how you set a bitch straight as you were just keeping shit real.
To me, you were just defending yourself but looking back on those times now I can’t help but wonder were you defending yourself or had you been caught out, the real you exposed and the people you claimed needed straightening out where just tired of your bullshit and your mind games.
As time went on these conversations began to feel like they were on repeat except for different names, that I began to wonder how someone can have so many problems with so many different people, yet always based on the same thing.
To me, that was a sign that the problem was you, and when I tried to say that perhaps it was you taking things the wrong way you lost it with me and told me I didn’t know shit.
That was the first time you turned on me and the reality is the first time I saw the real you, but I denied it to myself as I truly believed you were just misunderstood.
I would get the silent treatment for a few days, then you would make contact and acted as if nothing had happened, not one word of sorry, not one sign of remorse.
I forgave you and moved on, but there was always this little niggle in the back of my mind, watch your step now something isn’t right.
I think you knew that as then you told me you were struggling with your health and that you couldn’t keep this up, life was too hard. We all feel that when we have health issues but I didn’t say it as I was already in the zone of time to pull back there really is something wrong here.
So, you got less and less attention from me, I was busy living life, staying my lane, looking after my family and working on my dreams.
Then the day came when someone said you need to know this, that feeling of dread as they mentioned your name, and my mind screamed at me, girl it’s your turn.
As the horror unfolded of what you had been saying, all the things I had told you in confidence being repeated back to me, but with bits added on that were not true.
The lies, OMG the lies and how you played a good game, having so many believe you, it’s pretty damn clear you have no conscience or shame.
The difference between you and I dear ex-friend is I don’t repeat confidences even now that the friendship has ended. I have integrity, morals and a clear mind.
In a way you turning on me was a blessing as in that turning, people who had previously avoided me as they cast me in the same light as you, saw me differently, and most important saw the stories being spoken about me as lies through and through.
The sad thing is you still think people see you in a wonderful light, you have no idea that they see through you, they see your venomous dark soul and they keep as far away from you as they possibly can.
You have this illusion that you are so amazing, a queen among queens when in truth you’re a joker and a poor one at that!
I am so relieved you are gone from my life, the toxicity you gave out was choking me in the end and your façade is now down, your mask is now off and I see you, I see your dark soul.
I wish you no harm as that is not how I am, but unless you change, your life is destined to be one long repeat.