There are 3 types of people that wreak havoc on our lives, Sociopaths, Psychopaths and Narcissists. They literally live to feed off of us and destroy all we hold dear. They break our spirit, they use blackmail and humiliation plunging our self-esteem into the abyss and thoroughly enjoy themselves doing so.
They claim to love us but are never afraid of losing us, as when we finally say enough is enough, they move onto the next person without so much as a backward glance. That doesn’t mean we have heard the last of them, as they always come back and try to inflict more damage.
All 3 do tend to work to a script that always moves in the same direction, the direction of getting what they want with the maximum impact on our lives.
In the early days of the relationship you never see any bad behavior from them, it is only once they have hooked us into their imaginary world that we then find ourselves in a horror story that for most of us we have only ever seen in a movie until the day it becomes our real life.
There are numerous red flags that because we have never experienced this type of person before we miss and that is not our fault and we are not to blame. The people who carry any blame are the Sociopaths, Psychopaths and Narcissists.
Here are a few examples of what they say once they have you in their clutches:
- If you leave me, I will kill myself
One of the worst kind of blackmail there is, it sends our emotions into a blind panic, the thought that someone would do that to themselves because of us is unimaginable and the guilt is literally screaming in our minds.
This may work for a time as they know exactly the damage saying this is doing to us. It is so we give in just so they don’t kill themselves, but it does get to the stage where they say it too often and you know they really wouldn’t. I remember saying to the narcissist in my life, ‘go ahead, do it’. The look on his face was priceless, and yes, I felt bad for saying it but also so incredibly free, as he no longer had that hold over me.
- Look what you have done, you made me…
This is one hell of a mind game on their part. You find yourself walking on eggshells around them, every little thing they pick up on and this is where they play the projection game. What they are accusing you of is what they have done, for example, cheating. Every fault in the relationship is because of you and they play the innocent victim.
They hit you because you made them do it. They shouted at you because you made them angry. They committed fraud and took out a loan in your name because you spend all the money. If this sounds all too familiar to you then it is time to plan your escape or even just go in what you stand up in, things are never going to get better, they will only get worse.
- Don’t piss me off!
This often comes after the first time they have hit you. That memory never leaves you and you are living in fear it will happen again. You will find yourself doing everything possible to try and keep them in a good mood as you know if they get angry, they could hit you again.
You could be doing everything right, and then they will still turn around and say, ‘You’re pissing me off’ and the cold dread of fear fills your body as you know what the result of that could be. They will leave those words and that feeling hanging over you as they know that gives them ultimate control.
- If you love me, you will do that for me
I can honestly say I lost count the number of times I was told this, it is their way of again controlling you and it is absolute hell to live with. They know despite everything you love them and you believe your love can change them and things will return to how they used to be.
Nothing will change them as what you are remembering is the fake persona, what you are living now is the reality. They are sick individuals who enjoy abusing you for their own entertainment and they know if they use this tactic you will do whatever they want.
- My ex used to do that like this…
Often this is used as they are probably still attached in some way to their ex, most likely the ex-finally saw the truth and got rid of them, which is never part of this parasites game plan as it is them that do the dumping not the other way around. The truth is they are not really interested in you, you are only a gap filler until they can convince the ex to take them back.
They may even try to get you to change your look such as the color of your hair, the clothes you wear etc, this is to live their fantasy of still being with their ex, it isn’t until you see a picture of their ex, or actually see the ex in real life that you are suddenly exposed to what they are doing.
- You don’t want me to be happy
This is a very dangerous phrase as they use this to get you to do things that you would not normally do, it often comes with a seriously fucked up demand that leaves you horrified and afraid of what may happen if you don’t do it. They don’t care how this affects you, as long as they get what they want.
This often comes about when they want you to do something that could potentially be used to blackmail you at a later date, examples of this would be videoing yourselves have sex, nude pictures etc. Thankfully the law is continuing to evolve around revenge porn as it is called but the humiliation of going through this and the damage done is everlasting. We all do crazy things when we love someone so should this happen to you, don’t blame yourself, take a deep breath call up your family and friends and say what they are threatening to do to you, you’ll be amazed at the support you will receive and should anyone judge you then cut them out of your life, no one is perfect and we are least of all perfect when we find ourselves in love.
- You’re too weak to be alone
This is often used when they can see that you are getting to the stage of walking away. By then your self-esteem is at an all-time low, and despite knowing you should leave there is still a glimmer of hope, yet they can see by your body language time is running out.
They will throw in your face ‘I’m getting so bored of you and your shit, just leave, oh, wait you won’t as you’re too weak and scared to be alone’. Does that sound familiar? If it does step back and know you are not too weak or scared to be alone, but they have planted a seed to make you think so.
You are worth so much more than what they are giving you, it is never easy to break away from this type of relationship but trust me on this single is way better than living a life of fear.